"Being Me"

I don’t profess to know it all; I’m still trying to figure out life for myself. Most of these writings are just things that have popped into my head at one time or another. Some of these writings are years old, some a day old. For most of my life I’ve been afraid to let my true feelings out and have hidden them from the outside world for fear of being ridiculed.

The years I’ve wasted I’ll never get back, but at least now I am trying to free myself of my self-imposed prison. Hopefully my insights into myself and the world around me can help someone else out there to understand themselves and the world around them. There’s only one way to find out, write what I think and paint what I see in my mind and find a forum to express myself, to show what I’m all about.

My hope is that others understand that even though everyone may not agree or like what you’re doing, it’s ok. We all have different opinions and we all see things at least somewhat differently. I believe we all want to be and do good, and when we don’t it’s like we have a cancer eating away inside us that slowly makes us feel more and more miserable.

I have a need to help people if I can and if I don’t I feel terrible about it. Just the other day while driving I was stopped at a light when my wife says “Oh my god! That girl just got hit!” Looking at the scene to my right I knew I had to help if I could. Diane immediately phoned 911 as I pulled my vehicle over and ran to the scene. The victim was a young woman and she was lying on the road, cuts and bruises all over her body. She and her boyfriend had been riding bikes and for some reason she rode out in front of an oncoming truck, was struck, and send flying about twenty feet.

The boyfriend was in a panic as was the driver, just as I reached them they were attempting to lift this bleeding, crying, moaning young woman to her feet. I immediately stopped them from causing her even more pain and tried to calm her down, telling her to lay still and that help was coming. The girl had a humungous lump protruding from her head.

I soon came to realize that both the girl and her boyfriend were not completely normal, they were mentally challenged, possibly retarded in some way. This made trying to keep everyone calm even more difficult. The boyfriend seemed most worried about calling the girl’s parents and repeatedly asked if I could read his cell phone. I managed to keep the woman down and safe until help arrived as two policemen came to the scene.

These officers were of little assistance as neither one came to talk to me or even check on the girl! They just stood over by the boyfriend and the driver of the vehicle and talked with them. I could not believe this and so I continued to comfort the girl until an ambulance came to take over.

Even after the situation was calmed down the officers never even wanted to speak with me! I knew Diane had witnessed the whole incident and so I took her to the officers and told them she had seen the accident. They took down her name and phone number and she told them what she had seen. I was shocked by the officers’ lack of caring for the victim or for making any attempt to speak to witnesses. They obviously didn’t care about their jobs or the people they were supposed to be helping.

As I said earlier, I feel the need to help if I can. I believe most people are like me in this matter, and would have done most of the same things. I’m pretty squeamish when it comes to much blood or big cuts but in an emergency situation I think I can overcome it. Heck, I can’t even watch the fake operations on TV, I have to turn away.

Everyone is different and life is a constant journey of the discovery of who we really are. My search is still on but at a much slower pace right now due to time restrictions and just the lack of energy caused by life’s daily grind. We just need to keep finding our way and try to do what we can and help who we can along the way. I hope to find more time to discover myself and learn about life, wishing, hoping, dreaming, being me!