"Being Me"

I don’t profess to know it all; I’m still trying to figure out life for myself. Most of these writings are just things that have popped into my head at one time or another. Some of these writings are years old, some a day old. For most of my life I’ve been afraid to let my true feelings out and have hidden them from the outside world for fear of being ridiculed.

The years I’ve wasted I’ll never get back, but at least now I am trying to free myself of my self-imposed prison. Hopefully my insights into myself and the world around me can help someone else out there to understand themselves and the world around them. There’s only one way to find out, write what I think and paint what I see in my mind and find a forum to express myself, to show what I’m all about.

My hope is that others understand that even though everyone may not agree or like what you’re doing, it’s ok. We all have different opinions and we all see things at least somewhat differently. I believe we all want to be and do good, and when we don’t it’s like we have a cancer eating away inside us that slowly makes us feel more and more miserable.

I have a need to help people if I can and if I don’t I feel terrible about it. Just the other day while driving I was stopped at a light when my wife says “Oh my god! That girl just got hit!” Looking at the scene to my right I knew I had to help if I could. Diane immediately phoned 911 as I pulled my vehicle over and ran to the scene. The victim was a young woman and she was lying on the road, cuts and bruises all over her body. She and her boyfriend had been riding bikes and for some reason she rode out in front of an oncoming truck, was struck, and send flying about twenty feet.

The boyfriend was in a panic as was the driver, just as I reached them they were attempting to lift this bleeding, crying, moaning young woman to her feet. I immediately stopped them from causing her even more pain and tried to calm her down, telling her to lay still and that help was coming. The girl had a humungous lump protruding from her head.

I soon came to realize that both the girl and her boyfriend were not completely normal, they were mentally challenged, possibly retarded in some way. This made trying to keep everyone calm even more difficult. The boyfriend seemed most worried about calling the girl’s parents and repeatedly asked if I could read his cell phone. I managed to keep the woman down and safe until help arrived as two policemen came to the scene.

These officers were of little assistance as neither one came to talk to me or even check on the girl! They just stood over by the boyfriend and the driver of the vehicle and talked with them. I could not believe this and so I continued to comfort the girl until an ambulance came to take over.

Even after the situation was calmed down the officers never even wanted to speak with me! I knew Diane had witnessed the whole incident and so I took her to the officers and told them she had seen the accident. They took down her name and phone number and she told them what she had seen. I was shocked by the officers’ lack of caring for the victim or for making any attempt to speak to witnesses. They obviously didn’t care about their jobs or the people they were supposed to be helping.

As I said earlier, I feel the need to help if I can. I believe most people are like me in this matter, and would have done most of the same things. I’m pretty squeamish when it comes to much blood or big cuts but in an emergency situation I think I can overcome it. Heck, I can’t even watch the fake operations on TV, I have to turn away.

Everyone is different and life is a constant journey of the discovery of who we really are. My search is still on but at a much slower pace right now due to time restrictions and just the lack of energy caused by life’s daily grind. We just need to keep finding our way and try to do what we can and help who we can along the way. I hope to find more time to discover myself and learn about life, wishing, hoping, dreaming, being me!

“Calling All Humans!”

Are there any human beings left out there? Or has society succeeded in transforming us all into robots? The fast paced, uncaring, dog eat dog lifestyle we are being forced into is in essence turning us into Cyborg-like creatures. While we may appear to be human on the outside, inside we are being manipulated into a mechanical state of performing our corporate functions without thought of how it truly may affect us as well as everyone else.

Many companies of today treat their employees as machines, sometimes actually better than they treat machines; at least machines are provided maintenance. Humans not functioning correctly in the eyes of the company are either ignored and left to rot or discarded as if a useless piece of equipment. While I realize these companies are in business to make a profit, I believe it’s today’s society that pressures these businesses into becoming unfeeling, production at any cost entities.

As a society in general we believe that politicians are corrupt, business is a necessary evil, a fast paced lifestyle is a successful lifestyle, that excesses are necessities and that we must stay ahead of the Joneses, not just keep up with them. The seven deadly sins: pride, covetousness, envy, gluttony, anger, sloth, and lust are pretty good descriptions of what most of us feel at least one time or another. We are a flawed race, there’s no denying that.

Does this mean we have to continue on this way? Do we have to fall into the trap and say “everyone else is doing it so I have to too!”? Or can we overcome our self-doubts and do what we know is right instead of just doing what everyone else is doing? The choice is ours to make! Do things the easy way and swallow our shame, or do things the right way and swallow our pride? In the long run what do you think is best?

"Turtle Perseverance"

I was sitting outside the front of my house one morning just observing nature and contemplating my life. I watched the clouds, the ants at my feet, the birds flying by. There were two little lizards running around as if playing a game of tag. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a cat appear from the brush that ran along the little canal across the street, nothing special about that except it next brought my attention to a dark object that wasn’t there a few moments ago. It piqued my interest so I decided to walk closer to get a better look. It was a turtle. As I watched the turtle it started to move, slowly and deliberately it proceeded on its journey, stopping at times before venturing onward.

As I studied this creature I suddenly realized just how similar it was to the human race. The turtle struggles through life slowly searching for a path to reach its ultimate goal. It often has to alter its course as unforeseen obstacles get in its path, he either goes over the impediment or he goes around it. The main thing is he has a set goal that he’s trying to reach and no matter what gets in his way or how long it takes he perseveres. The turtle has the fortitude to keep going after his goal no matter what, sometimes even if it kills him.

Now through their journey they take adequate time to rest and eat so they’ll have the strength to reach their final destination. And at times they feel fear and go into hiding inside their protective shell. But eventually they find the courage to go back out into the world and to realization of their goal. The turtle knows that it will never reach its destination and the accompanying reward if it doesn’t at least try.

I’m sure you to can see the many similarities between the turtles journey and our own. So when life gets you down and you feel like giving up, take a lesson from the turtle and go for your goal no matter how long it takes or how many obstacles get in your way!

"Quite The Paradox!!!"

*When we feel bad about ourselves it seems to make it harder to help others, yet when we help others doesn’t it make us feel better about ourselves?

“To Thine Own Self Be True”

Why do we all copy each other and try to be alike? It’s not in our similarities but in our differences that make us unique and give us true worth. Imagine how boring life would be if every one was the same. Yet, for some strange reason people who are out of the ordinary, or who have an unusual idea or way of doing things are often chastised and ridiculed.

Why? I think its society’s way of dealing with the fact that they are jealous that they themselves didn’t have the creativity or the courage to be different. Could this be the reason there is so much anxiety, depression, stress and anger in the world? Are many of us suppressing our true inner feelings for the fear of being different, or of becoming an outcast?

I believe one reason for the numerous suicides and widespread drug use is that we feel trapped and helpless due to the fact that society is geared toward conformity. This makes it hard for people to express their true selves as well as their true passions. Shouldn’t we embrace our individuality instead of feeling as if we have to hide them?

Imagine all the new inventions, discoveries, and visions the world is missing out on. There is a possibility that some of the most creative, ingenious minds in the world may not have the inner strength to face our conformist society. All the gifts and talent in the world are of no value if they go unused.

In society we fear and ridicule that which we don’t understand. The United States is supposed to be a country of freedom, the only way to truly feel free is to express your true self. Embrace your uniqueness and cultivate your gifts and talents. Who knows what your mind may come up with if you simply get out of its way? “To Thine Own Self Be True!”

“I AM”

I am he who is me

And me who is I

Who sits and just thinks

When they know they can fly

I am all that I am

And all that is me

Still trying to understand

The world that I see

My knowledge though growing

Is far from complete

My accomplishments showing

My trials to compete

As my life goes on

It’s become plain to see

That all that I am

 Is not all that I’ll be

"What's Really Important?"

Why do we care so much about things that mean so little? Why is it we put so little time into the really important aspects of our lives? I believe that one way to answer these two questions is our never-ending search for finding the easy, more comfortable way in all that we do. If one way seems to take less effort than the other we have a tendency to take this route.

Many of us choose to focus on things that truly have little or no real effect on our lives in an attempt to avoid having to deal with things or situations that are important and have a real, tangible effect on us. Examples of this are watching television, unnecessary shopping, sports, movies; all are an attempt to escape reality and the things that truly matter. These things can give us a temporary high, though if things don’t go right with them we may allow these meaningless things to ruin our day.

How ridiculous and sad is it that when our team loses a game, we may yell at the kids, or argue with the wife! Does the fact our team lost have any real effect on our lives? Not really, only what we let it. While we all need an escape from reality once in awhile, many of us have a tendency to let these little distractions take over our lives.

We need to take back our lives; instead of watching others live and perform for our entertainment we need to get out there and live life. Do things instead of watching them be done! If you’re not living you’re dying! Choose to live!